Prayer for a Verbally Abusive Husband

Words are powerful enough to bring life or death (see Proverbs 18:21). The Bible tells us that our tongue can impart life-giving words or words that kill and destroy. Having a verbally abusive husband is not God’s design for marriage. Love should never be verbally abusive or hurtful towards one’s partner. You must deal with every situation with the wisdom of God and the support of godly counsel, as well as friends who may help you and pray together with you for your husband and marriage. It is important to pray for your husband and call out his true identity and nature in Christ Jesus as a wife. Here is a Prayer for a Verbally Abusive Husband:

Heavenly Father, thank You for the life of my husband. I bless his mind, his heart, and his tongue. His mind is filled with Your Word and heavenly things; his heart is where the Holy Spirit dwells, and his tongue speaks life-giving words to all he encounters. He is a righteous man of God with a powerful destiny in Christ. His tongue threatens the enemy because he shall use it to glorify You and share the Gospel of Christ in Jesus’ name. Amen.

What the enemy tries hardest to attack only shows how threatened he is by its power and destiny in Christ. If the enemy uses your husband’s tongue to hurt you, know it isn’t his true nature in Christ. Your man is a potential threat to Satan because he knows that when he speaks the Word of God, it can impact people greatly and powerfully. Continue seeing your husband in this light, and keep praying for his true identity in Christ to reveal itself. Your declarations of his true identity in Christ will soon come to fruition. Never underestimate the power of your prayer.

Moreover, aside from praying for your husband, you must also care for yourself as you deal with his verbal abuse. You must never allow his negative words to penetrate your heart, and you must keep declaring God’s Word over your life. Never let God’s Word depart from you and, as much as you can, fill your mind with heavenly thoughts, and listen to preachings that strengthen your identity and destiny in Christ. These will protect you and give you peace, despite the challenging situation in your marriage. Isaiah 26:3 says, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

How do you respond when your husband yells?    

There are many reasons why people yell at others. Sometimes, it can represent a lack of confidence to be heard, while sometimes, it simply shows a lack of self-control and emotional management. It can also be triggered by stress from work or a personal situation, inner frustrations, and many other reasons. When your husband yells, you know that anger is the driving force, and something triggered him that caused him to react in such a manner.

When your husband yells, it is best not to raise your voice in return but calm your heart and have a sound mind. Proverbs 15:1 says A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. When calm, you can think clearly, even as your husband yells. Let him finish what he is trying to say. Then, speak gently in response to whatever you are discussing or dealing with. As the Bible says, a soft answer is the only way to turn away anger.

Moreover, suppose your husband shows signs of physical aggression as he yells. In that case, you must be alert and share the situation with a trusted person or someone in authority over you, such as a pastor or leader in the church, who may give you practical solutions and advice on what can be done in your situation. Marriage counseling can help. We all need help from each other. If your husband permits it, you can attend seminars that aim to empower marriages and families. If he is a Christian, you can have him prayed over by leaders in your church. If he is not yet a believer in Christ and does not want to be prayed over, you must at least let someone know about your abusive situation.

You must not take abuse of any kind lightly. Jesus said that the thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy (see John 10:10). You need to exercise your authority in Christ against abuse and never allow it to become a part of your life. God did not design marriage to contain any form of abuse, manipulation, or control. Seek help and get wisdom from godly people.

Why do husbands yell at their wives?

Yelling is an expression of frustration and anger and a coping mechanism to defend oneself against threats. It is sometimes a way for people to control and manipulate others through fear and intimidation. That is why you must not take yelling accompanied by abusive words lightly in marriage. This signals that something is not right with the marriage, as something about it is not aligned with God’s ways and principles.

Husbands yell at their wives for many reasons. Here are some general reasons that may be relatable to you. Regardless of the reason, no wife should be treated abusively by their husband. Here are some of the reasons:

1. He’s impatient with you.

Your husband may tend to yell when he is impatient, either at your weakness or inability to grasp or comprehend situations or understand what he is trying to say.

2. When you don’t listen or hear him, he may tend to yell in order to be heard.

When people are threatened not to be heard, they tend to yell, especially when the wife doesn’t seem to be listening or paying attention to their husband.

3. There is inner stress being projected on you

When husbands are stressed from work, finances, and performance or pressured with deadlines, they may tend to get impatient with little things and yell over small matters because of stress. It’s not you but them that is the problem.

4. To express frustrations/disappointments.

When a husband doesn’t communicate his frustrations, it tends to pile up from within until he starts yelling out of misdirected frustration. Husbands may do that to their wives if they don’t communicate their frustrations, such as if they don’t like being nagged, questioned, contradicted, or doubted, etc.

5. To express anger

One of the most common reasons for yelling is anger. When people are angry and their emotions are heightened, they tend to yell as a defense mechanism.

6. To express excitement 

Sometimes, when you are excited, you don’t notice the volume of your voice. You may unintentionally yell at someone out of excitement. So when husbands are excited, they may sometimes yell at their wives, but not out of anger, depending on the situation. 

7. He grew up in an environment of verbal abuse and yelling

We tend to perpetuate whatever culture and upbringing we had from our childhood homes. So, a husband who yells at his wife may find that the root cause is his upbringing.

8. He lacks self-control

The Bible tells us that among the fruit of the Spirit is self-control (see Galatians 5:22-23). When a person can’t control his emotions, resulting in yelling, it can only mean that such fruit of the Spirit needs to be developed, especially to a Christian. So, if your husband is a Christian and still yells at you, it can mean that area should be focused on for character growth.

9. To display authority

When a husband yells at his wife, a boss at an employee, or a teacher at a student, it can imply, “I’m in charge here.” They may want to display their authority over you.

10. To silence the wife

When the husband is cornered, annoyed, or exposed, he may shout at his wife to silence her in order to protect himself from hearing the rest of the statement. 

11.  To dominate the wife.

When someone raises their voice, you can immediately notice how that person begins to take over control of a situation. Sometimes, a husband may yell at his wife to dominate her.

12.  The husband might yell when he doesn’t want to be bothered or disturbed.

A husband may yell at his wife when she is bothering or disturbing him. Sometimes, people want to be by themselves and hear only their thoughts, but they may yell in frustration when someone disrupts them.

Know that yelling and verbal abuse are two different things. Occasional yelling depending on the situation may be normal and unintentional, but to use one’s tongue to hurt, manipulate, tell lies, shame, and criticize your partner in public, is not healthy and normal in marriage. These actions are intended to hurt and inflict pain on one’s partner, and such a relationship is destructive and damaging. 

You must seek help if you find yourself in this kind of marriage. Don’t keep all the burden on yourself. We are a body of Christ, and we are meant to share each other’s burden (see Galatians 6:2).